this moment

Well, I'm still on step one. Every day I wake up wanting to move a different direction with my life. One day I am completely set on studying art, the next day it's sociology, and the next it's communication. Today I want to be a journalist. As I sit here listening to Explostions In The Sky, I feel like my head is exploding.I am so focused on life in 10 years that I feel like I'm missing out on what I should be excited about: this moment, right now. What am I doing with my life NOW? I know that everything will fall into place for me and I will end up where God needs me if I just continue to pursue Him. I am so often distracted by the future that I cannot even sit back and enjoy where I am right now, in this moment.

Right now, I'm laying on my bed in my underwear with my dog, Shasta. I am listening to my "chill" playlist on a good friend's old iPod and am typing on my netbook with toothpaste on my face. Right now, I am realizing that no matter how hard I try, I don't know what the future holds for my life. Why am I so caught up in later when I have right now to be thinking about? I am awake and living; what more do I need in this moment?!


I do think that planning for the future is important and I am planning as I go along... I just can't plan every detail.

Step 1, here I come.







p.s. Last night I had a very scary dream. In the dream I was visiting my old water polo coach and team at a pool I had never been to.
It was a weekend tournament and my team wasn't doing too well. My coach was happy to see me but he was intimidating as always. I chatted with my old teammates about their games while we walked down a flight of stairs with huge steps to my house built into the side of what looked like a giant-sized set of bleachers. Once we reached my house my teammates disappeared and I appeared in my home with my mom, "husband," and an old man. To me, this old man was my friend Christina.
While I was in the kitchen, this old man and my family were all sitting at the dining room table. Once the conversation hit a lull, the old man stood up, walked across the room, and turned a light off. My husband walked over to turn the light back on and the old man stabbed him! My husband fell on the floor dead. Shocked, my mother stood up but was captured and strangled by the old man. These deaths happened in mere seconds while I was in the kitchen hearing it all and catching glimpses of struggling shadows cast on the kitchen walls through the doorway. When I slowly walked back into the dining room, the old man seemed a bit distraught, yet surprisingly calm. I didn't understand why at first, but he kept telling me to "put some clothes on;" when I looked down at myself I realized that I only had on an extra-large cardigan.
I was bracing myself for an attack but the murderer seemed uninterested in me. I stood in the middle of the room, awestruck, while the old man quickly gathered his coat, weapon, and a few papers so he could leave my home into what was now the dark, cold night. As he walked toward the door, my hand slipped into my pocket and pulled out my cell phone. Glimpsing at my phone that held the 3 key-strokes to what I thought would be his demise, the old man stopped and turned to me just before his exit. "Don't worry about telling anyone," he said, "because you're next."

windy city

Here I am with Jill in Chicago.

STEP 1: find a job. After that, everything will fall into place.

Bluey Louie

My 12-year-old parakeet, Bluey Louie, is dying. I can hear his wings flapping in the other room as he struggles to stand on his aged, weak limbs to maneuver himself through his black, cell-like cage. All he wants is a sip of water, but he can barely move a centimeter towards it before he becomes too fatigued to move anymore. He is struggling for his life. All he wants is to make it through to another day, but as I sit here and listen to his struggling wings and shuffling feet, I wonder if his struggle is worth anything. Is it worth it to be alive another day when death is certain around the next corner? Is the struggle really worth anything? Does the one life of this little bird really matter?

Yes. Bluey Louie is the strongest bird I know and has lived a full life. He continues to show his strength through his yearning to take one more step, no matter how painful or heartbreaking it may be. This little bird inspires me to go after everything I want with all that I have because, well, that's all I've got. One life.

"Yeah Camp!"

That's right, here I go to Lost Canyon for a month of working my buns off! No cell phone, but if you want stay in touch PLEASE write me letters! Preferably letters full of encouragement and love!

Write the address like this!

Kelsey Waldron-Work Crew
Young Life Lost Canyon
1450 Perkinsville Rd
Williams, AZ 86046


Yay (:


So, today I got a letter in the mail from my friend, Tommy. He's working on houseboats all summer! He sent me a Polaroid of himself on a houseboat plus two pages of encouraging words about how life is on the delta. I am so thankful for everything God is doing in his heart while he is away.

Today I felt very organized as I went to OCC to take care of my scholarship information. I had all the information I needed with me, ready and avalible for the woman to take care of everything. I hope that this organization carries on to my next years of schooling!

After I took care of my business in the scholarship office, I went to seek out job information. I easily found a few job openings on campus and that was that. I came home, applied online to the bookstore, and went over to Megan's to swim.

When I dried off after soaking in the pool, I checked my phone and had a text message from my dad telling me to call the OCC book store......... In less than 3 hours after applying I was offered a job! This may all change because of my leaving for a month, but hopefully this job will come through! Regardless of the outcome, life always will continue to be amazing(: I am so thankful for the blessings I have in this life. God, help me to know how to bless others. AMEN!

makes ya feel kinda small

My mind cannot comprehend the things I have been thinking about. I am so blessed to live where I live and to have an amazing family. I am blessed with health, friendship, and the ability to comprehend and understand situations. I am blessed with all these things, but why?

I try my best to use my blessings to bless others, but it's hard. It's difficult to get my head out of this world's self-centered views. I put myself as the center of the universe too often; life is just not like that! I have much importance, but at the same time I mean no more than any other person on this earth. I am important, but we are all important. Without one person, this world would be completely different.

home

You say all you want is to be real, but you can't even be real with yourself.



This world is so foucused on all the wrong things.

So I saw that there is nothing better for people than to be happy in their work. That is why they are here! No one will bring us back from death to enjoy life after we die. Ecclesiastes 3:22

How wonderful to be wise, to analyze and interpret things.
Wisdom lights up a person's face,
softening it's harshness. Ecclesiastes 8:1

blah blah

everyone is afraid to be vulnerable. I know I am. I try not to be, but I will never pretend I'm not afraid. I see this weakness in myself and I want to get rid of it in the world.

I never want to be in search of ways to tear people down just to lift myself up. I only search and dig for the good in people. I believe in the good; I believe that the good can take over the evil.

there is good all around us in EVERYTHING; we just have to be looking for it.

insecure

I think it's important to confront people about things that make you uneasy or uncomfortable.


When I look at people around me I see many people that I believe to be very confident. Are they confident? Or just good actors?


I see the insecurities of people closest to me. Not all of them, but many of them. They have enough trust in me to let me know in some way that they are insecure or self conscious. Whether they say "I am insecure about..." or I can just see the insecurity in the way they act in certain situations, somehow, if they trust me enough to not let their big, insecure secret out to the world, I get a glimpse of my close friends in a light that is shielded from the world. These insecurities are so amazing when they are revealed. The insecurity itself has little meaning, but the fact that the person had enough trust/faith/boldness to go out on a shaky limb in this judgemental world and show me a part of them that is insecure is so beautiful to me.

When someone shows me a completely broken side of themselves I gain so much respect for that person. This world makes insecurities so much greater because of it's judgemental front it puts up for all to fear. I respect people who are strong enough to have a million insecurities yet still be bold for what they believe in. I respect people who are transparent about their insecurities. I hope that I can be that way, and I hope that I can always be someone who is not judgemental like this world is. Let's just be happy and real with each other. I love you.