Thursday, October 15, 2009


I have been stuck on a mental plateau that, last night, I finally reached the end of. My mind is now progressing again at a quick pace. Even though the things my mind is obsessing over may not be the brightest, I am so joyful because I am thinking about life in a deeper way than I have been for the past few months. IT feels good to have my mind working again.

Recently I have discovered my artistic abilities are greater than I thought. I want to find my passion in the arts because, as of now, passion is the main component I am lacking. Painting is slow, but the results are beautiful. I think I am so caught up in time recently that the slowness of painting is frustrating me. For who knows when time will end!??!

Next semester I am taking english, mass communication, french, pilates, and an art class. I don't know what art class I want to take. We shall see. I may also take astrology and a few other courses.


Wednesday, October 14, 2009

so much

There is so much I want to do that I don't even know where to begin. I want to do so much that all I can do is sit here on my bed doing nothing. I feel like I'm wasting my life. I have so many thoughts that just sit in my brain all day long. I feel like I'm going crazy.

I just got a job which I am very excited about. I can't wait to pack up and explore the world. All I want to do for the next year is work work work, save save save, then explore. I feel like I'm stuck in a routine.... the place I said I would never let myself be. Were those only words I was saying in that moment of pure energy? Or am I being real when I tell myself to never settle?

I am settled here, and I hate saying that. I don't want to be here and stay surrounded by these same people. I love this place and I love these people, but I feel trapped. I feel trapped by their standards and words. I want to be myself and do what I want to do, but if I don't know either of those definite answers, how can I?

I was hit by a car on Monday. Two hours prior to the accident, I was confidently telling my friend about how, "I have never been in a car accident and I never will be. Or if I am, it won't be my fault." Well, I was half right.

The accident has changed my mind on a few things. I have so many plans and so many aspirations, but what are plans when my life could change in one second? I am laying here on my aching back because of this car accident, but things could have been so much worse. My life could have been changed forever. Actually, I think my life was changed forever. I am forever changed by Michael Ward, the man in the black Ford Mustang who hit the brakes a second too late and went bumper-to-bumper with my Dodge Neon. Life is so fragile and I think I have so much power over it all. I am so young. I have SO MUCH life ahead of me, but then again I have just as much of a chance that I don't have that much life ahead of me at all.

All I know is that I am here, right now, in this moment.

That is all I know.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

this moment

Well, I'm still on step one. Every day I wake up wanting to move a different direction with my life. One day I am completely set on studying art, the next day it's sociology, and the next it's communication. Today I want to be a journalist. As I sit here listening to Explostions In The Sky, I feel like my head is exploding.I am so focused on life in 10 years that I feel like I'm missing out on what I should be excited about: this moment, right now. What am I doing with my life NOW? I know that everything will fall into place for me and I will end up where God needs me if I just continue to pursue Him. I am so often distracted by the future that I cannot even sit back and enjoy where I am right now, in this moment.

Right now, I'm laying on my bed in my underwear with my dog, Shasta. I am listening to my "chill" playlist on a good friend's old iPod and am typing on my netbook with toothpaste on my face. Right now, I am realizing that no matter how hard I try, I don't know what the future holds for my life. Why am I so caught up in later when I have right now to be thinking about? I am awake and living; what more do I need in this moment?!

I do think that planning for the future is important and I am planning as I go along... I just can't plan every detail.

Step 1, here I come.

p.s. Last night I had a very scary dream. In the dream I was visiting my old water polo coach and team at a pool I had never been to.
It was a weekend tournament and my team wasn't doing too well. My coach was happy to see me but he was intimidating as always. I chatted with my old teammates about their games while we walked down a flight of stairs with huge steps to my house built into the side of what looked like a giant-sized set of bleachers. Once we reached my house my teammates disappeared and I appeared in my home with my mom, "husband," and an old man. To me, this old man was my friend Christina.
While I was in the kitchen, this old man and my family were all sitting at the dining room table. Once the conversation hit a lull, the old man stood up, walked across the room, and turned a light off. My husband walked over to turn the light back on and the old man stabbed him! My husband fell on the floor dead. Shocked, my mother stood up but was captured and strangled by the old man. These deaths happened in mere seconds while I was in the kitchen hearing it all and catching glimpses of struggling shadows cast on the kitchen walls through the doorway. When I slowly walked back into the dining room, the old man seemed a bit distraught, yet surprisingly calm. I didn't understand why at first, but he kept telling me to "put some clothes on;" when I looked down at myself I realized that I only had on an extra-large cardigan.
I was bracing myself for an attack but the murderer seemed uninterested in me. I stood in the middle of the room, awestruck, while the old man quickly gathered his coat, weapon, and a few papers so he could leave my home into what was now the dark, cold night. As he walked toward the door, my hand slipped into my pocket and pulled out my cell phone. Glimpsing at my phone that held the 3 key-strokes to what I thought would be his demise, the old man stopped and turned to me just before his exit. "Don't worry about telling anyone," he said, "because you're next."

Monday, September 14, 2009

windy city

Here I am with Jill in Chicago.

STEP 1: find a job. After that, everything will fall into place.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Bluey Louie

My 12-year-old parakeet, Bluey Louie, is dying. I can hear his wings flapping in the other room as he struggles to stand on his aged, weak limbs to maneuver himself through his black, cell-like cage. All he wants is a sip of water, but he can barely move a centimeter towards it before he becomes too fatigued to move anymore. He is struggling for his life. All he wants is to make it through to another day, but as I sit here and listen to his struggling wings and shuffling feet, I wonder if his struggle is worth anything. Is it worth it to be alive another day when death is certain around the next corner? Is the struggle really worth anything? Does the one life of this little bird really matter?

Yes. Bluey Louie is the strongest bird I know and has lived a full life. He continues to show his strength through his yearning to take one more step, no matter how painful or heartbreaking it may be. This little bird inspires me to go after everything I want with all that I have because, well, that's all I've got. One life.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

"Yeah Camp!"

That's right, here I go to Lost Canyon for a month of working my buns off! No cell phone, but if you want stay in touch PLEASE write me letters! Preferably letters full of encouragement and love!

Write the address like this!

Kelsey Waldron-Work Crew
Young Life Lost Canyon
1450 Perkinsville Rd
Williams, AZ 86046

Yay (:

So, today I got a letter in the mail from my friend, Tommy. He's working on houseboats all summer! He sent me a Polaroid of himself on a houseboat plus two pages of encouraging words about how life is on the delta. I am so thankful for everything God is doing in his heart while he is away.

Today I felt very organized as I went to OCC to take care of my scholarship information. I had all the information I needed with me, ready and avalible for the woman to take care of everything. I hope that this organization carries on to my next years of schooling!

After I took care of my business in the scholarship office, I went to seek out job information. I easily found a few job openings on campus and that was that. I came home, applied online to the bookstore, and went over to Megan's to swim.

When I dried off after soaking in the pool, I checked my phone and had a text message from my dad telling me to call the OCC book store......... In less than 3 hours after applying I was offered a job! This may all change because of my leaving for a month, but hopefully this job will come through! Regardless of the outcome, life always will continue to be amazing(: I am so thankful for the blessings I have in this life. God, help me to know how to bless others. AMEN!

Thursday, July 2, 2009

makes ya feel kinda small

My mind cannot comprehend the things I have been thinking about. I am so blessed to live where I live and to have an amazing family. I am blessed with health, friendship, and the ability to comprehend and understand situations. I am blessed with all these things, but why?

I try my best to use my blessings to bless others, but it's hard. It's difficult to get my head out of this world's self-centered views. I put myself as the center of the universe too often; life is just not like that! I have much importance, but at the same time I mean no more than any other person on this earth. I am important, but we are all important. Without one person, this world would be completely different.