grow

I keep this blog for me, almost as a journal really. Just somewhere to put all my thoughts. Something to keep track of how far I've come and how much I've changed. I like doing it on the internet though, just in case someone reads something and it sparks their own epiphany.

Alone time with God and with your own mind is so important. The past few years I was so drained all the time. Every second of my time I was busy doing something or thinking about things that needed to be done. When I look back on last year, I realize how much I learned about myself. I learned the value of time spent alone and the value of being together with just God and me.

This weekend has been amazing and eye opening. I am so excited for life and for where God is leading me. It's not always easy doing the things that God wants me to do. I feel called away from here and out into the world. It's scary because I'm just a little girl, but I can't be scared of anything with God's strength within me. I feel called to know people and to love people. In a few years, I can see myself doing God's work everywhere. God has blessed me with a family who encourages me and inspires me. Europe, here I come.

I am so excited to be out in the world doing these things, but I know that I have so much more to learn and so much growing I need to do before then. I've grown in so many ways in 6 months, imagine in 2 or 3 years. I can't wait to look back on these words and these thoughts then. Let's grow together. Let's become who we're meant to be.

I love you

I feel like life all around me is moving so fast and my mind is so slow. This week has been so busy and I just want to think; I just want my mind to expand and take things in. I just want to hang out and have good talks with everyone in the world. "You never know how everyone you meet will affect your life" or something like that, is what Brent always tells me. I like it and I believe it.


Maybe I am just tired, or God is revealing amazing things to me... amazing.



I never want to feel like people older than me are taking advantage of my age. Just because I'm 18 doesn't mean I'm naive. ALright?!

Peace sucka freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

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I am sitting on the brown couch in the corner of my pink and green room listening to indie 103.1 streaming on my computer. I have been having awesome thoughts and conversations with God while sitting here. So much of my life I have spent trying to earn the approval of people around me, and for what? When people dislike me after I haven't been myself around them I get way more bummed than when they don't like me and I have been completely myself. I wish everyone could just be real with each other. Why is it so embedded in our brains to be something we're not? Why are we all so afraid to let ourselves be vulnerable?

After letting myself be myself and letting myself be vulnerable, I've been realizing that it's really not as crazy or hard as I make it out to be. When I am true to myself and how I think and how I feel, I am so unbelievably happy. Right now, I am so happy! I just want to talk with everyone!

Have you ever been walking down the street or driving in your car looking at someone next to you that you have never seen before, and think to yourself, "I am never going to see this person again if I don't do something about it." I think that all the time! But what is holding me back from talking with them? Our world has this little definition of "normal" that only consists of the most boring lifestyle I have ever heard of. I feel crazy, like I am the only person who has ever talked about this. Why do I feel two tugs on my heart when I want to talk to that random person on the street? One tug says "go for it", and the other one says "that's too weird!" Why is the latter in my heart?! God has filled me with a passion for people and for their thoughts and feelings. I want to know everyone on a deeper level than just saying hello. I want to fill my head with so much knowledge that I feel like it's going to explode. I NEED to explore everything! God has filled my heart with this longing, this want, this need to not just know things, but to experience them. I don't want to see pictures of the Eiffel tower, I want to feel it and see it and smell the earth around it. I don't want to see pictures and say I know anything about anything, because a picture can't teach me what I want to know. I don't just want to know; I want to experience. I have this passion for experiencing everything and everyone in this world and it's time to let it out.

transformation

sometimes I get really frustrated and angry over very small things. In the moment, these things seem so important and like a huge deal. But after, as I am evaluating my initial reaction, I realize that I need to just relax. So Many things seem like they matter so much when really they are of little or no importance. A goal of mine is to try and not let my initial reaction be super crazy. I've recently been realizing how much of an emotional burden dramatic people are and I do not want to be a burden like that on anyone ever.

I lost my iPod again and this time, as sad as it is for me to admit, I don't think I will ever see it again. I loved my iPod. We had so many good times together. I will miss you, little guy!! Thankfully, I have an amazing friend who is letting me borrow her itouch. Oh man this thing is so awesome! It makes me want an iPhone really bad. I am stuck with an out of date cell phone and no iPod.. But there's no reason for me to complain. I am blessed with so many thwbgs and so many amazing people in my life. I was not put on this earth to just enjoy myself. I am here to do God's work and I am the full of joy to do it.

I am looking forward to where I am headed in the next few years. I can't wait for all the experiences and adventures ahead of me. I pray that I can always remember why I am here and how I am blessed with so much. Let's talk about bigger things than this world.

Love you!! Peace sucka free sundae

For some reason

others see things in me that I would never have noticed if no one had pointed them out. Maybe I'm just not looking, or I just don't care to notice.


I am having a weird day. Yesterday I rode 40 miles after not riding since before my Chi-Town trip. Today my knees ache and my head hurts. I am tired. The ride was really fun last night, and the men of LAFixed are very talented at being creepy.

I had a job interview today. It went pretty well I think, beside the fact that I can never seem to arrive anywhere early. What's my biggest weakness? Time management.


I have plans. High school puts my plans on hold, but probably for good reason. I'm not ready. Or am I? I don't know. My self confidence has been really low today and I don't like that.

peeeeace sucka free sundae, dawgz.