Thursday, February 5, 2009


I am dead tired. I haven't been this busy since I played water polo. When I look back on those years of my life from the amazing place I am now I am so glad I moved on to better things.

The play, Flowers for Algernon, is going well. Two more nights. This play gets me so worked up, but I think I'm going to miss it once we're done. I won't miss being so busy all the time, though. I need time to think.

I am in the last semester of my high school life. I am excited to be out of this little bubble of high school, but I'm embracing all the things I can take out of my last semester. I know that there is so much I can take out of my experiences here if I let myself.

My cousin, Jill, from Illinois is going to come out and visit soon. I love her sooooo much and I'm really excited. I hope she goes to school out here so we get to hang out more than once or twice a year!

I miss you. Jesus, life, friends, sleep, everything. Everything. Everything is starting to look amazing, and I know that Jesus has everything to do with it. I can feel great things happening all around me. I know that I am right where God wants me and I am ready to take it all in.

Sunday, February 1, 2009


I've been thinking about everything today and it's overwhelming my mind. Too much random, unorganized thinking is not healthy, I have decided. I need to organize my thoughts. I hope this makes no sense to you.

This world sucks. Jesus is the only good thing about living. I don't understand how people can stand being on this earth with nothing to look forward to or nothing to be pursuing. I am pursuing Christ and that is the only thing constant in my life. Other than that, nothing is constant. It is difficult to live with little consistency of anything. When life is boring ,I want it to be more exciting. When life is exciting, I want it to slow down. Life is so crazy right now and I just want everything in my life to shut up. I wish I had more self control and I wish I was in heaven praising God with everything of my soul.

I love loving people but I wish everyone loved everyone. I guess the fact that so many people have so much hate make loving people a rare thing.

I wish I didn't feel like I needed anything else constant in my life besides God. I only feel like this because of the dumb situation I have put myself in. I shouldn't let myself get like this. I want to draw the line but I've already passed it. I need my feelings and my wants to go away. Googly googly go away, I don't want you here anymore. God's will, not mine.