Tuesday, September 30, 2008


Do you ever feel like you need to be sad just to stay sane? Being happy all the time is awesome, but a little sad has to be mixed in there too. I could easily get over the sad things in my life and be happy like always, but right now I don't feel like it. I feel like being sad and crying. I like feeling different emotions than normal.

The deeper sadness carves at your soul, the more joy it can contain.

I love Jesus. I love knowing that I'm not perfect, and that it's perfectly fine.

I always love this song, but right now it speaks to me more than ever.

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

I'm sad. But I am still joyful.

Thursday, September 25, 2008


Sometimes, I have absolutely no motivation to do anything. I just want to snuggle all day and sleep.

That sounds so good right now.

Ohhh YeeEeEaahh!

Wednesday, September 24, 2008


My head has so many thoughts that I don't know what to write. I am just so blessed with amazing people in my life. There are so many opportunities for me, I don't know where to start. I'm so young, I have my whole life ahead of me. I have all of eternity ahead of me. Eternity is a long time. Thinking about eternity makes me think about how meaningless acceptance of this world is. I wish I wasn't so concerned with how people thought of me. If we're all completely honest with ourselves, I know there's a bit of self-consciousness in everyone; It's just our human nature.

"Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

That verse has been on my heart recently. I know I've been looking forward to a lot of things. I just need to take things a day at a time and work on glorifying God now, not later.


Sunday, September 21, 2008


I love the way life always works out. When you just give up anything and everything to God, it always works out for the better. WAY better. If you follow what God says, life really is so much more amazing and fulfilling than any other life. I love Jesus!!!!!!!

I just made one of the most exciting phone calls of my life.

Hey God,
I praise you for the amazing God you are. I am so thankful that you love me and that you want to get to know me on a deeper level than anything in this superficial world. My mind can't come anywhere close to understanding all the love you have for me!! I pray that I can fulfill your plans for my life and glorify your name through all my words and actions. Thank you for filling my life with people who love you and love me too. Thank you for showing us what true love is meant to be.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

What happened

I feel like all my inspiration is leaving me. I'm not motivated to do well anymore. I need to work on that. College is around the corner and I want to go to Cal Lutheran!!! I need to remember how bad I want in, and how bad I need to get that scholarship.

I hate applications, I'd so much rather go talk with someone in person. Hopefully it gets to that point !!!

Monday, September 15, 2008

Oh myyy wordddd

The simplicity of this verse gets me every time.

"I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live." Ecclesiastes 3:12

It's cool how the most confusing questions have the simplest answers.

Sunday, September 14, 2008


My new favorite book in the Bible is Ecclesiastes. God has a sense of humor and I love when I see it and get to laugh with Him. I have been struggling with the meaninglessness of life and I was just led to open my bible and look up these verses. They led me straight to Ecclesiastes and it's so solid. I recommend it for sure !

I'm on internet explorer and it does not have spell check like mozilla; I'm struggling.

I hate when people make things complicated. I make things complicated all the time and I wish I didn't. Life is so easy if you just let it be. Seriously, give everything up to God, He knows what He's doing. Let him lead you and guide you in the right direction. I don't like when having a crush on someone turns into the complicated stage of liking each other. Are we hanging out, dating, in a relationship, together, not together, friends, more than friends? It makes me cringe.
Maybe I'm just lazy, but when a relationship with a guy just falls into place for me, then maybe I'll settle down. Until then, hayyyy single life & little crushes ! What's the point of being serious at this young anyways? I'm down for awesome friendships. Maybe some day we'll be together, but I'm not planning on settling down any time soon.

Let's be friends

PEACE sucka freee sundaaaeeeeeeeee (:

Thursday, September 11, 2008


Ever since I got home from Woodleaf, there have been many instances where I've felt completely trapped. I feel trapped when people around me gossip. When people talk about celebrity gossip I just laugh. Are you serious? You don't even know Britney Spears or Kanye West!!!!!!! You don't know the situation, our MEDIA fabricates these untrue scenarios out of pictures they can find or videos they can edit. Maybe it's true, but why judge them? What's with all the hate? I don't mean to sound like a "positive patsy" or what the heck ever, but seriously, where is the love? Our media rubs off on all of us and we're all trapped in this world of hating on others and blaaahhhhhhhh!! It makes me go crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not even with celebrities, with people around school or anywhere. We act like we know everything about people like, "she is such a slut!" No, you just heard one story about her so you're labeling her. Everyone does things they look back on and think oh my gosh, that was so stupid of me. We all get caught up in the moment sometimes and do stupid things. Maybe I'm being judgemental or something just by writing this, but it's been bugging me and making me miss the perfection of Woodleaf. There was little to no drama there. I miss that. Everyone was so loving and open. I can't even imagine how amazing our world would be if we all lived with such high standards of love for each other. Kill the hate pleeeeeaseeee!!!!!!!

Wednesday, September 10, 2008


I hate reading my last post. hahaha.

I love when I take a risk by making myself vulnerable and I get back positive results. I've been thinking a lot about things tonight, I'm confused. My heart and my head are not getting along; I feel it in the pit of my stomach. THankfully(!!!), I am not alone ! Relating to people in deeper ways is one of my favorite parts about living. The fact that God gave each and every one of us the ability to think our own thoughts is beyond amazing, awesome, or any word I can think of.

I am filled with so much joy when I form friendships that aren't one-sided. Selfish friendships are the worst, but I love when I find people who you can give to and get some good in return. Most friendships based around God end up like this, and I am so thankful to be blessed with these people in my life.

peace sucka freeeee sundaeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Sunday, September 7, 2008


Jen and I talk about this all the time, but do you ever think about the names you call people? Such as, asshole. Are you serious? Why would you call someone that? "Dickhead" No. You are a child. That's disgusting. I would like to see our adults in this country have more integrity than just calling people names. Or at least be creative, come on.

I'm working on thinking about everything in different perspectives. It's refreshing.

Friday, September 5, 2008


I want a bike. At this moment in time, I am excited to turn 18. This winter break my family & Jen & I are going to Chicago and I'm excited for that too!!!! I'm also excited for going to the santa ana art district this weekend wooo!

Art class at Foothill is the most fun class I've ever taken. I love it. For years I've been holding myself back from things I love just to conform to how I think this world wants me to be. I'm so glad I'm over that stage and on to things that I LOVE. I love art and seeing how different people all express themselves in different ways. Every person on this earth is an artist but not one person expresses themselves in the exact same way. Art takes endless forms and I loooove seeing how different people show a piece of their soul. I feel that art is a little glimpse of one's soul. Seeing into the soul is rare but when it happens, it's something magical.


Peace SUcka FreeeEEEEEE SundaE

Senior discount?

I'm a senior in high school. I feel so young. My 18th birthday is in less than 2 months and a part of me is super excited, but the other part of me is dreading it like crazy. Me? An adult? You've got to be joking.

I either want to go to Cal Lutheran University or go on mission trips for a year after I graduate. I don't want to be in Orange County. I know that by then I'll be so sick of being here because that sickness has already started.

Dance party birthday party?????? I'm just throwing that idea out there.

My schedule is has so much less stress put into it this year. One of the main things I have to concentrate on is my Gold Award for Girl Scouts. Heck yeah I'm still a Girl Scout, 13 years strong suckas.

Tonight is my first night of work in over a month. I'm excited that I've found motivation to do well at everything I do through Christ. Without Him as my motovator, I wouldn't be getting anything done. I'm excited to look back on this year and hope I can say that the decisions I'm making now are the right ones.

-4.0 gpa
-get into Cal Lutheran
-get a hefty scholarship to attend Cal Lutheran
-embrace my teachers, not challenge them
-not get caught up, sit back and think logically about decisions I make
-contact YWAM about serving with them
-be bold and joyful for Jesus

Peeeeace sucka free sundaeee !!!!!!!

Tuesday, September 2, 2008


I hate guilt trips about anything, especially small things that don't even matter very much anyways.

I love being friends with boys.

I am excited for school, but I was more excited when I didn't know Mr. Price was my english teacher. He's cool but his teaching style doesn't work out for me.

I love when people say they're proud of you, especially when you're not very sure of yourself.

Peace sucka freeee sundaeeeeee see you at school suckaz!

P.S. I'm changing and you probably won't like it, but I do and Jesus does.