Friday, January 23, 2009


I am sitting on the brown couch in the corner of my pink and green room listening to indie 103.1 streaming on my computer. I have been having awesome thoughts and conversations with God while sitting here. So much of my life I have spent trying to earn the approval of people around me, and for what? When people dislike me after I haven't been myself around them I get way more bummed than when they don't like me and I have been completely myself. I wish everyone could just be real with each other. Why is it so embedded in our brains to be something we're not? Why are we all so afraid to let ourselves be vulnerable?

After letting myself be myself and letting myself be vulnerable, I've been realizing that it's really not as crazy or hard as I make it out to be. When I am true to myself and how I think and how I feel, I am so unbelievably happy. Right now, I am so happy! I just want to talk with everyone!

Have you ever been walking down the street or driving in your car looking at someone next to you that you have never seen before, and think to yourself, "I am never going to see this person again if I don't do something about it." I think that all the time! But what is holding me back from talking with them? Our world has this little definition of "normal" that only consists of the most boring lifestyle I have ever heard of. I feel crazy, like I am the only person who has ever talked about this. Why do I feel two tugs on my heart when I want to talk to that random person on the street? One tug says "go for it", and the other one says "that's too weird!" Why is the latter in my heart?! God has filled me with a passion for people and for their thoughts and feelings. I want to know everyone on a deeper level than just saying hello. I want to fill my head with so much knowledge that I feel like it's going to explode. I NEED to explore everything! God has filled my heart with this longing, this want, this need to not just know things, but to experience them. I don't want to see pictures of the Eiffel tower, I want to feel it and see it and smell the earth around it. I don't want to see pictures and say I know anything about anything, because a picture can't teach me what I want to know. I don't just want to know; I want to experience. I have this passion for experiencing everything and everyone in this world and it's time to let it out.

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