You say all you want is to be real, but you can't even be real with yourself.
This world is so foucused on all the wrong things.
So I saw that there is nothing better for people than to be happy in their work. That is why they are here! No one will bring us back from death to enjoy life after we die. Ecclesiastes 3:22
How wonderful to be wise, to analyze and interpret things.
Wisdom lights up a person's face,
softening it's harshness. Ecclesiastes 8:1
blah blah
everyone is afraid to be vulnerable. I know I am. I try not to be, but I will never pretend I'm not afraid. I see this weakness in myself and I want to get rid of it in the world.
I never want to be in search of ways to tear people down just to lift myself up. I only search and dig for the good in people. I believe in the good; I believe that the good can take over the evil.
there is good all around us in EVERYTHING; we just have to be looking for it.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Friday, June 5, 2009
insecure
I think it's important to confront people about things that make you uneasy or uncomfortable.
When I look at people around me I see many people that I believe to be very confident. Are they confident? Or just good actors?
I see the insecurities of people closest to me. Not all of them, but many of them. They have enough trust in me to let me know in some way that they are insecure or self conscious. Whether they say "I am insecure about..." or I can just see the insecurity in the way they act in certain situations, somehow, if they trust me enough to not let their big, insecure secret out to the world, I get a glimpse of my close friends in a light that is shielded from the world. These insecurities are so amazing when they are revealed. The insecurity itself has little meaning, but the fact that the person had enough trust/faith/boldness to go out on a shaky limb in this judgemental world and show me a part of them that is insecure is so beautiful to me.
When someone shows me a completely broken side of themselves I gain so much respect for that person. This world makes insecurities so much greater because of it's judgemental front it puts up for all to fear. I respect people who are strong enough to have a million insecurities yet still be bold for what they believe in. I respect people who are transparent about their insecurities. I hope that I can be that way, and I hope that I can always be someone who is not judgemental like this world is. Let's just be happy and real with each other. I love you.
When I look at people around me I see many people that I believe to be very confident. Are they confident? Or just good actors?
I see the insecurities of people closest to me. Not all of them, but many of them. They have enough trust in me to let me know in some way that they are insecure or self conscious. Whether they say "I am insecure about..." or I can just see the insecurity in the way they act in certain situations, somehow, if they trust me enough to not let their big, insecure secret out to the world, I get a glimpse of my close friends in a light that is shielded from the world. These insecurities are so amazing when they are revealed. The insecurity itself has little meaning, but the fact that the person had enough trust/faith/boldness to go out on a shaky limb in this judgemental world and show me a part of them that is insecure is so beautiful to me.
When someone shows me a completely broken side of themselves I gain so much respect for that person. This world makes insecurities so much greater because of it's judgemental front it puts up for all to fear. I respect people who are strong enough to have a million insecurities yet still be bold for what they believe in. I respect people who are transparent about their insecurities. I hope that I can be that way, and I hope that I can always be someone who is not judgemental like this world is. Let's just be happy and real with each other. I love you.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
this is epic
You cannot pause life. So many times I see people hating where they are and only looking forward, not embracing the moment they are in. I don’t want to be that person. Every moment and every situation is so important to my life and my story. I am so excited to be able to tell people in 20 years that I endured things that I didn’t enjoy with an infectious smile on my face. I never want to say I hate a certain moment of my life. One thing that has been hitting me hard recently as I am about to graduate is how crazy my journey has been. Getting ready to move on has made me look back on my choices and the events that have been huge- or not so huge- in my life.
Sometimes I feel really self-conscious of my past. I don’t want to share certain parts of my story because it shows that I was weak. But that’s just it- I WAS weak. I mean, I still am very weak and am growing every day, but there have been some insanely low points of my life that I am not proud of at all. Recently, through the recent past reflections I have been taking, I have been teaching myself to be proud of my journey. I want to be proud of how far I have come from my horribly low lows. The road I have ended up on is definitely something I am incredibly proud of.
I grew up not hearing much encouragement from anyone, especially my parents. While I know they tried their best, I have definitely suffered greatly from “middle child syndrome” for my entire life. I have felt neglected and less important than others around me since I was born and always focused on making others happy to get positive attention. It was difficult for me to grow up in a situation like that. I imagine that situation to be difficult to many children, middle children or not. Telling myself that I am sincerely proud of myself makes me tear up. This pride is not a self-centered, egotistical pride, but a pride of another kind. I have been so broken for my entire life, searching for someone to tell me they are proud of me. I have finally found peace in feeling worth something, and all I want is for others to feel worthwhile! Every single person on this earth has so much meaning and purpose- there is not one person who doesn’t matter. I want people to know this. I want kids to grow up with people surrounding them telling them they love them and that they are proud of them. I don’t want kids to have to suffer like I had to. I want everyone to know that someone LOVES them and has a plan for them!
God knows everything about me; He knows everything about you. He created us to be in relationships with each other, but most importantly in a relationship with Him. God wants to love on you and tell you He is proud of you. I mess up every day, but I know that God will always be there for me to catch me when I fall. When I make those mistakes, God is there with open arms waiting for me to run back to Him. I know that He has the best life ever laid out for me! God has his arms wide open for you, too. I know that God has an everlasting love for you and all He wants is to see you smile. He wants to see you laugh and wants to be there for you when you cry. He wants to tell you that you are His child and you mean more than the world to Him. After all, God knew how many times we were going to mess up and stray from Him but He still decided to endure the worst death so that we can live! God sent His son, Jesus, to die for us. Jesus was and is pefect. He had no reason to die, but Jesus shed His blood and endured horrific persecution for me and for you. For us! God must see something really special in us to have laid down His life for us. I really believe in that.
Because I know what it feels like to be torn down, all I want to do is lift people up. What is the point of being negative all the time? Is it possible for me to love everything and love everyone I come across? No, it’s not possible of me; but with Jesus, everything is possible.
Sometimes I feel really self-conscious of my past. I don’t want to share certain parts of my story because it shows that I was weak. But that’s just it- I WAS weak. I mean, I still am very weak and am growing every day, but there have been some insanely low points of my life that I am not proud of at all. Recently, through the recent past reflections I have been taking, I have been teaching myself to be proud of my journey. I want to be proud of how far I have come from my horribly low lows. The road I have ended up on is definitely something I am incredibly proud of.
I grew up not hearing much encouragement from anyone, especially my parents. While I know they tried their best, I have definitely suffered greatly from “middle child syndrome” for my entire life. I have felt neglected and less important than others around me since I was born and always focused on making others happy to get positive attention. It was difficult for me to grow up in a situation like that. I imagine that situation to be difficult to many children, middle children or not. Telling myself that I am sincerely proud of myself makes me tear up. This pride is not a self-centered, egotistical pride, but a pride of another kind. I have been so broken for my entire life, searching for someone to tell me they are proud of me. I have finally found peace in feeling worth something, and all I want is for others to feel worthwhile! Every single person on this earth has so much meaning and purpose- there is not one person who doesn’t matter. I want people to know this. I want kids to grow up with people surrounding them telling them they love them and that they are proud of them. I don’t want kids to have to suffer like I had to. I want everyone to know that someone LOVES them and has a plan for them!
God knows everything about me; He knows everything about you. He created us to be in relationships with each other, but most importantly in a relationship with Him. God wants to love on you and tell you He is proud of you. I mess up every day, but I know that God will always be there for me to catch me when I fall. When I make those mistakes, God is there with open arms waiting for me to run back to Him. I know that He has the best life ever laid out for me! God has his arms wide open for you, too. I know that God has an everlasting love for you and all He wants is to see you smile. He wants to see you laugh and wants to be there for you when you cry. He wants to tell you that you are His child and you mean more than the world to Him. After all, God knew how many times we were going to mess up and stray from Him but He still decided to endure the worst death so that we can live! God sent His son, Jesus, to die for us. Jesus was and is pefect. He had no reason to die, but Jesus shed His blood and endured horrific persecution for me and for you. For us! God must see something really special in us to have laid down His life for us. I really believe in that.
Because I know what it feels like to be torn down, all I want to do is lift people up. What is the point of being negative all the time? Is it possible for me to love everything and love everyone I come across? No, it’s not possible of me; but with Jesus, everything is possible.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
hm
On Thursday I took my placement tests at OCC. They were relatively simple and everything is good with that. My best friend was even at school when I was there so we got to hang out! Woo! When I got back to my car with Jen after my tests there was a $17 parking ticket on my window. It was lame but I didn't let it bum me out. At that point in time, I had $13 in my possession.
I kind of forgot about my ticket, and I also forgot that I had to babysit on Friday night. I planned to hang out with some of my friends that night, completely forgetting about the previous commitment I had made! We were on our way to the beach when I got a phone call from the house I was supposed to be at. We quickly turned around and I got my little tush over there! Unfortunately, because of my horrible memory and lack of correct planning, I had to let down my friends that I had planned a fun night with. I was sad about that, but babysitting was very fun. The kids were so nice and we played Butts Up like nobody's business!
The parents got home at 11; the kids were already in bed. We all had a good night. As I was driving home with my payment of $32 in my pocket, I realized that God had completely provided for the ticket I had received the day prior. I drove home humbled.
I kind of forgot about my ticket, and I also forgot that I had to babysit on Friday night. I planned to hang out with some of my friends that night, completely forgetting about the previous commitment I had made! We were on our way to the beach when I got a phone call from the house I was supposed to be at. We quickly turned around and I got my little tush over there! Unfortunately, because of my horrible memory and lack of correct planning, I had to let down my friends that I had planned a fun night with. I was sad about that, but babysitting was very fun. The kids were so nice and we played Butts Up like nobody's business!
The parents got home at 11; the kids were already in bed. We all had a good night. As I was driving home with my payment of $32 in my pocket, I realized that God had completely provided for the ticket I had received the day prior. I drove home humbled.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Sunday, May 17, 2009
mkay gurl!
God is so good. How can we go around hating life when God has blessed us with so much!? Every breath you take is such a blessing; embrace every one!
I love encouraging people. I want to surround myself with them. Jesus is the only thing that matters. Why is that such a hard concept to remember sometimes? This world tells you things that will only break you down. I KNOW that Jesus will NEVER let you down!!! If you think He has let you down, just wait; something amazing is going to come from it.
I love encouraging people. I want to surround myself with them. Jesus is the only thing that matters. Why is that such a hard concept to remember sometimes? This world tells you things that will only break you down. I KNOW that Jesus will NEVER let you down!!! If you think He has let you down, just wait; something amazing is going to come from it.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
anger problems?
Found this on a website:
"A Parallel
If I get a splinter in my finger, my body reliably tells me about
it. Only by knowing about it will I know to get some tweezers
and remove it.
When I remove the splinter, my body gives a sigh of relief, as if
to say, "Thanks, I needed that."
While the splinter is still in my finger, that spot is very tender
and easily hurt. But once the splinter is removed, then healing
can occur. When healed, my finger no longer over-reacts to
being touched (or poked).
The Root Cause Of Your Anger
In a similar way, there is some wound inside you that causes
you to spontaneously, emotionally, react when someone
pokes you with a sharp stick.
In other words, the painful, angry reaction is proof that a
"splinter" exists,
Angry outbursts are God's way of saying, "There is a
splinter here that needs to be removed."
After the "splinter" is removed and the wound heals,
there will be less and less outbursts of anger, and
eventually none.
Anger Is Not Sin
The emotion of anger is not sin. However, it can impel us to
sinful behavior.
"Be angry, and do not sin. Meditate within your
heart on your bed, and be still (Psalms 4:4 NKJV).
Instead of trying to bury your anger, you need to recognize
that it is simply a warning signal telling you there is a problem
inside (a wound that just got poked). You need this
information so that you can "remove the splinter."
Instead of running from your anger, you should "meditate
within your heart" to find the root cause.
A Spiritual Solution
A splinter is a physical thing, and needs a physical solution -
take out the splinter with a pair of tweezers, and disinfect it so
it can heal.
A wound in the heart requires a spiritual "tool" to remove the
offense, so that healing can occur.
How?
The reason you have not succeeded in eliminating your anger
problem is that you haven't known exactly how you can
accomplish a change through Jesus Christ."
"A Parallel
If I get a splinter in my finger, my body reliably tells me about
it. Only by knowing about it will I know to get some tweezers
and remove it.
When I remove the splinter, my body gives a sigh of relief, as if
to say, "Thanks, I needed that."
While the splinter is still in my finger, that spot is very tender
and easily hurt. But once the splinter is removed, then healing
can occur. When healed, my finger no longer over-reacts to
being touched (or poked).
The Root Cause Of Your Anger
In a similar way, there is some wound inside you that causes
you to spontaneously, emotionally, react when someone
pokes you with a sharp stick.
In other words, the painful, angry reaction is proof that a
"splinter" exists,
Angry outbursts are God's way of saying, "There is a
splinter here that needs to be removed."
After the "splinter" is removed and the wound heals,
there will be less and less outbursts of anger, and
eventually none.
Anger Is Not Sin
The emotion of anger is not sin. However, it can impel us to
sinful behavior.
"Be angry, and do not sin. Meditate within your
heart on your bed, and be still (Psalms 4:4 NKJV).
Instead of trying to bury your anger, you need to recognize
that it is simply a warning signal telling you there is a problem
inside (a wound that just got poked). You need this
information so that you can "remove the splinter."
Instead of running from your anger, you should "meditate
within your heart" to find the root cause.
A Spiritual Solution
A splinter is a physical thing, and needs a physical solution -
take out the splinter with a pair of tweezers, and disinfect it so
it can heal.
A wound in the heart requires a spiritual "tool" to remove the
offense, so that healing can occur.
How?
The reason you have not succeeded in eliminating your anger
problem is that you haven't known exactly how you can
accomplish a change through Jesus Christ."
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