disappear

I remembered my dreams right when I woke up, but then I got distracted and forgot them. Story of my life, dawg!


Foals are my new obsession. I love this song.

"Suns up we wait
all day
Suns up we wait
all day all day

the hell outsides kept away
if only we could move away
from here

This is how
we build a place
an aviary for today
an aviary for today

let's disappear till tomorrow
let's disappear till tomorrow
dis-a-ppe-ar
dis-a-ppe-ar
dis-a-ppe-ar ar ar ar

blow up these play parades
let's go
to an aviary far from home
to an aviary far from home

a one hand clap is me and you
and you and you and you
while the hell outsides kept away
if only we moved away

dis-a-ppe-ar
dis-a-ppe-ar
dis-a-ppe-ar ar ar ar

last vacation was the same
we got moved away
last vacation was the same
we got moved away
last vacation was the same
we got moved away

sun down now we have built
our place
an aviary forever
an aviary forever
forever forever

re-a-ppe-ar
re-a-ppe-ar
re-a-ppe-ar
re-a-ppe-ar"






Yeah it's pretty good.


Yesterday I really found a lot of motivation and inspiration that I knew was coming my way. I liked it. Why is life so complicated? Why do I have to own so many things? Or spend so much money? The simple life is where it's at. Who wants to buy my clothes??! All of them!




Kidding. Peace Sucka freeeeeeee moNdAeeeeeee!

Dreams I had last night:

I had a dream I was raped and got pregnant but I decided to keep the baby. I became a world speaker on love and how this world is meaningless and we should all just love each other. Does it take rape to talk to people about that? I feel like sometimes it takes something so out of place in our daily lives to speak about anything out of the ordinary. Anyways, that was one dream.

I had another dream that I was a skid champion. I've been having bike dreams consecutively for many nights. I'm pretty sure I keep having skid dreams because I'm annoyed that I'm too chicken to skid. I won a new bike frame in this dream too. No more centurion conversion! Haha, but I love my bike. I don't need anything fancy and I'm not going to pretend I can afford anything fancy either.







The past two weeks have been really weird for me. I'm in a transition phase in my life and I don't know what I'm transitioning into. I feel God leading me somewhere and it's really hard sometimes to just follow him with no idea where I'm going. It's exciting though!
I have been really antisocial and I'm really sorry about that. I'm getting really down about everything but I know that I'm going to be getting over this hump in my life soon. After graduation I see everything falling into place for me. Right now I'm stuck doing things I'm not passionate about but I'm determined to find inspiration. Maybe I won't though. I need to pray, I need to be in God's word. This is going to be a tough transition for me but I hope you, my friends, can stick by me. I feel this transition starting to tear me apart already, but God is my strength. With Him I can get through anything. He has placed all of you reading this in my life for a reason and I'm so thankful every one of you. Thank you for being a part of my life, big or small.



Peace sucka free sundae!

You'd break your neck to keep your chin up

That's a lyric from Chin Up by Copeland on their most recent album. I am in love with the progression they are making as a band.



I'm excited for life right now. Everything is moving pretty quickly and I like that. The only thing I feel is holding me back is high school. I'm trying to embrace my last few months but honestly I just don't want to be there. I don't care anymore. I'm over being social with the people at my school. I just sit in the drama room all day and sleep haha.

I like and dislike growing up all at the same time. Wondering where I will end up in a few years makes me crazy sometimes. I always just tell myself not to think about it; That's my plan for everything stressful. Don't think about it, don't worry about it, everything will be good. Maybe that's why I was voted most optimistic ha. I don't think about the bad and only speak of the good.




"I've got my life in a suitcase,
I'm ready to run, run, run away..
I've got no time, 'cause I'm always trying to run, run, run away
'Cause everyday in here feels like it's only a game.
I've got my life in a suitcase, a suitcase, a suitcase.."



I have these dreams, good ones, every night. I always wake up wishing they were real.
Today I realized once again how much better my life is with Jesus in it. I haven't been reading my bible and I know that's been throwing me off. I don't know what to focus on and I know it's because I haven't been talking with God enough. We have so little to offer him in return for what He's given us, at least we could give Him some time. This life is meaningless anyways. Nothing here matters. I need to constantlly remind myself of that fact. I lose sight of meaningful things all the time. Love matters. Eternity matters. When everyone around you is so focused on the meaningless things of this life it's easy to lose sight of what matters. I don't want to lose my sight. I can see God so clearly as I write these words. Heaven is my home, it's where we're meant to be. God wants us there with Him, rejoicing with Him!

Let's be happy and do good while we live. Do what you love. Be joyful in everything. Be thankful for every breath.


Peace sucka freee sundae<3

Big Bear

I'm going to Big Bear Lake this weekend with my lafixed friends<3

Today at work I just wanted to get out of there. It was so slow and I wanted to be hanging out with my best friend! I picked up our paychecks though, which was a plus. Another plus was these three kids who came in with their mom. They were talking with me and telling me stories about their day; I loved it. Those kids made me so happy. Seeing how innocent and unbelievably joyful they were in everything and each other made me happy. I wish I could be at that stage in life again sometimes. They told me the best stories. Their mom was the nicest lady, too. I pray that kids like that don't grow up too fast. I grew up too fast. I don't know how, but I want my kids to learn to embrace their childhood. I guess growing up too fast is a part of growing up.... I don't know ha. Sometimes I wish I would have known things while I was younger that I know now,,, but then I wouldn't have ended up where I am now. I make so many mistakes as I grow each day and it's really lame in the moment a mistake happens. After, though, it's not such a big deal. I've learned to accept that I am flawed. Learning new things and letting my brain think forever are my favorite activities these days. I'm so blessed to have been given a mind with the all thoughts and ideas I have. I can't wait to see how God uses me and my brain to expand his kingdom on this earth. This earth is so meaningless, but the people on it are not. I don't know where God will take me; All I can do now is grow.

it's late

It doesn't feel as late as it is.

I am so content with where I am. I love that feeling. When I realize that I'm exactly where God wants me to be and that he's using me no matter where I am or who I'm with, I'm so content.

I have been doing what I love all weekend. I've been hanging out with people I love and riding bikes and dancing. This has been such a good weekend. Friday was the release date of all the stress my family has been building up and it feels sooo good to be over with.

I'm happy I'm back into blogging. It feels good to write to everyone who wants to read this.

I wish I didn't think about him all the time. I have been so happy with just loving Jesus and now I'm thinking about a boy and I'm kind of bummed! Maybe God wants me to be thinking about him, who knows.

I am still in need of a planner. I can't wait to get my hands on one. I'm excited to keep my life more in order.

Tomorrow night I'm going to Lauren Johnson's show! She is an amazing young woman with pure talent. You miiiight want to think about going to her shows while they're only $10. I know they won't be forever.

My family has been obsessed with the show Weeds lately. They all sit in front of the tv and watch their season # whatever on dvd. I sit in the other room and all I hear is cursing and crap. I don't like how all that junk has become normal in our culture. I don't like it. Family bonding over that? have fun with that one, fam.

Want to be AWESOME??!?! burn me a cd! I'm in such a music rut right now. I want to get out of it.



I love you all. I really have so much love for you. Ecclesiastes 3:12 "I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and do good while they live." I really believe in that. Let's be happy !!!!!!!!!!!!

<333333 Peace sucka freeeeeeeeeeeeEEeeeeee sundae

meh

One of my great friends told me the other day that she always reads my blogs and is sad I haven't updated in a while. I'm sad too. I have lots of things to say, but few words to say it in and little time to type it. I think I will form a list. So, here it goes!

1. I got my bike! I love it. Critical mass last night was really fun and I'm excited to get in shaaape and ride everywhere.

2. God's timing and my timing are two things that I hope to one day get in sync. Sometimes I feel super-connected with people when I first meet them. To me that is one of the most amazing feelings I have ever felt. I love meeting someone and knowing you're on the same page about so many things without having to say anything. I feel like that about almost everyone who volunteers for Young Life, and this amazing guy I met last month. I met him one day and the next day he moved away. Timing is a funny thing, but I know God's not done revealing Himself to me and showing me why he lets certain people into my life.

3. Jen and I are trying to find a modeling agency.

4. I feel like I'm making no progress. This world is so meaningless. In the end, I hope my parents are happy with me. For now they're disappointed with what I want to do.

5. Tattoo: on my side. a verse forming an ichthus, but I don't know what verse yet. Still contemplating.

6. I want a speaker backpack! :::: I just stopped this to check out ebay for a speaker backpack... and I just bought one hahahaha. SOoo next time you see me riding I'll be wearing a green frog backpack with headphones on it.. but the headphones are really speakers! Haha! Best $0.01 I ever spent!

7. I'm going out to buy a planner right now so I can plan my life. Hookayyyy!!!!!!

8. I'm excited to go to San Fransisco in the spring and Chicago in the winter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love you all! Peace sucka freee sundaeee!

It feels like forever

Hello blog world. It's been over a week now but I am happy to once again be sharing my thoughts to whoever wants to read them.

Recently I have been thinking about age and maturity. They somewhat go hand-in-hand, but there are many cases where the maturity that stereotypically coincides with one's age does not accurately represent their actual level of maturity. The person's maturity could often be higher than the stereotypical level. It could also, even more often, be less. I believe I am of average maturity in many areas of my life, less-than-average in other areas, and higher than in a few others.

I was about to list examples, but I don't want to anymore. My mind was just thinking about the question What or who defines normal? Where do these stereotypes come from? Why are so many people afraid to think a different thought or to step outside their comfort zone? I know I'm scared. I try to challenge myself every day, and I fail every day. I try to let my mind be as free and creative as it can possibly be. With every day I let my mind expand into foreign lands, the more possibilities I can see forming right before my eyes. These changes in the way I think and the way I live are exciting! My wish for you, whoever is reading this, is that you would know how powerful your mind is. Don't limit yourself and don't let other people tell you what to think or how to be. You need to know that you are in control of the way you act and the way you think. Just because the popular perception of beauty isn't you (it isn't me either... it's no one really. It's completely fake.) BUt, just because the PopulaR and "accepted" view of beauty isn't you or me doesn't mean you should be hating on your body or the way you were made!! Think of how freakin boring life would be if we were all perfect!! THAT is the beauty I see in life! Imperfections and 'blemishes' are what I thrive for! I want people to know that they are exactly how they are made to be. God wouldn't change a hair on your head or one thing about you! The imperfection that the world sees in you is the perfection God sees in you! Embrace it!!! If you're tall, flaunt it! If you're short, heck yeah you are!




I really believe in that. Let your mind wander around that for a little bit.




ALso, This world doesn't even matter. ahhahaha I think about that all the time. I don't mean we should all just give up on living because it doesn't matter... that's not what I mean. Some people are meant to be the way our world is, the way america is. I just have a hard time believing that we're ALL meant to be that way. SOoo much pressure is put on high school students to have the "Perfect American Lifestyle". Graduate high school, go to college, get a degree, use it in a career ... somehow, and raise your kids to do the same. WHY IS THAT NORMAL!>!??!?! It kills me!!!




Hahah thank you if you read this. I love you. And I still love you if you didn't!




Peaceee sucka freeee Sunday night(: